Self Talk
So, just opened my laptop and thought I would write. But what?
Have you
ever been in the phase when you have so many thoughts but you don’t pen it down
and later they are all gone and now you are empty. I am experiencing something
like that right now! Few days ago like in the shower I was thinking how
different Indian parenting is from here(if you don’t know I moved to Canada
like a month ago ,after a year of planning). I was like Ah finally. Will talk
about new experiences in the city in some other blog. But this blog will
capture my emptiness(Big words huh!)
Why am I
even doing this?
Have you
heard some motivators/inspirators(I don’t even know if that’s a word) saying
that you should write if you want to know yourself. I know motivation is like
bullshit or cocaine( it charges you up for a while and then straight back to
normal) but you know from a rather long time now, I have not been doing much
stuff(like I don’t feel to do anything, don’t wanna study, don’t wanna grow in
my career but still responsibilities are there!) so I thought let’s give it a
try and try to understand what I am . And you all must agree that when you type
you are way more open then your speak.
Okay so let’s
try asking myself something!
ME: Hey
Yatharth why don’t you want to study and earn a lot of money
YATHARTH: I
do want to
ME: Then
why are you not doing it?
YATHARTH: I
don’t know
ME: You got
to have an answer? Because Yatharth knows everything.
YATHARTH: No
Yatharth doesn’t know everything. He knows some things but not much. For sure
laziness is not the answer because when I really want to do something I don’t
feel lazy at all then.
ME: How can
we make everything interesting so that you like it!
YATHARTH: You
know yesterday when Mausaji was telling about space or even Indian system and
it’s faults I liked listening to it.
ME: So can
I say that you like stories?
YATHARTH: Yeah
for sure! Stories of every type
ME: But
what career am I supposed to get with that?
YATHARTH: I
don’t know
ME: Who can
we talk to about this?
YATHARTH: I
don’t know I don’t trust anyone. People are nice to me but I don’t want that!
YATHARTH: Do
you want to ask me anything else?
ME: Yeah so
much to ask and I am so confused but don’t know what to ask? Getting a career
and a disciplined life is necessary right like that is what everyone is
destined to do.
YATHARTH: You
know whenever I hear someone say disciplined or says that he is disciplined I
start hating that person and start feeling angry. I hate discipline and I am
angry with those people who are so so career oriented. I just like to take it
slow is it bad!
ME: How can
someone be so busy?
YATHARTH: I
am free okay I will respond to your chat in 5 seconds when I am free or even when
I am doing something . I hate when people make themselves look busy. Screw
them!
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