Self Talk

 So, just opened my laptop and thought I would write. But what?

Have you ever been in the phase when you have so many thoughts but you don’t pen it down and later they are all gone and now you are empty. I am experiencing something like that right now! Few days ago like in the shower I was thinking how different Indian parenting is from here(if you don’t know I moved to Canada like a month ago ,after a year of planning). I was like Ah finally. Will talk about new experiences in the city in some other blog. But this blog will capture my emptiness(Big words huh!)

Why am I even doing this?

Have you heard some motivators/inspirators(I don’t even know if that’s a word) saying that you should write if you want to know yourself. I know motivation is like bullshit or cocaine( it charges you up for a while and then straight back to normal) but you know from a rather long time now, I have not been doing much stuff(like I don’t feel to do anything, don’t wanna study, don’t wanna grow in my career but still responsibilities are there!) so I thought let’s give it a try and try to understand what I am . And you all must agree that when you type you are way more open then your speak.

Okay so let’s try asking myself something!

ME: Hey Yatharth why don’t you want to study and earn a lot of money

YATHARTH: I do want to

ME: Then why are you not doing it?

YATHARTH: I don’t know

ME: You got to have an answer? Because Yatharth knows everything.

YATHARTH: No Yatharth doesn’t know everything. He knows some things but not much. For sure laziness is not the answer because when I really want to do something I don’t feel lazy at all then.

ME: How can we make everything interesting so that you like it!

YATHARTH: You know yesterday when Mausaji was telling about space or even Indian system and it’s faults I liked  listening to it.

ME: So can I say that you like stories?

YATHARTH: Yeah for sure! Stories of every type

ME: But what career am I supposed to get with that?

YATHARTH: I don’t know

ME: Who can we talk to about this?

YATHARTH: I don’t know I don’t trust anyone. People are nice to me but I don’t want that!

YATHARTH: Do you want to ask me anything else?

ME: Yeah so much to ask and I am so confused but don’t know what to ask? Getting a career and a disciplined life is necessary right like that is what everyone is destined to do.

YATHARTH: You know whenever I hear someone say disciplined or says that he is disciplined I start hating that person and start feeling angry. I hate discipline and I am angry with those people who are so so career oriented. I just like to take it slow is it bad!

ME: How can someone be so busy?

YATHARTH: I am free okay I will respond to your chat in 5 seconds when I am free or even when I am doing something . I hate when people make themselves look busy. Screw them!